Persistent pursuit of goals:purely beneficial- really?

"Just don't get stuck halfway. It was not only in business but everywhere and always the stupidest of everything." Franz Kafka – The Trial

"The most nonsensical things in the history of the world were plans executed consistently." Karel Čapek – The Absolute at Large

Setting ambitious goals and achieving them is undoubtedly valuable and often seems to be synonymous with success. Coaches often "attack" us with statements like "you can do it - it all depends only on you. You have to do it, if not you then who?" etc.

But is it always and certainly so...?

The SMART goal-setting methodology was modified some time ago by adding two additional letters – E and R. E stands for "Exciting," meaning exciting and motivating to act or "ecological" – meaning that the goal must be continuously adjusted to changes, e.g., professional/private, and "R" stands for "recorded" with the assumption that writing down a goal motivates its achievement. I particularly pay attention to E – "ecological". From my career coaching experience, I find that often the goals we set for ourselves right from the start are doomed to fail. They lack consistency with other goals or our lifestyle, which we do not want to change. At this point, frustration appears, undermining faith in our abilities. Consequently, a reluctance to set and pursue other goals emerges.

Learn to Let Go

I highly recommend an interesting read that sheds more light on setting new goals, and most importantly, on the issue of "disengaging" from old goals (which we probably misdefined): "Mastering the Art of Quitting: Why It Matters in Life, Love, and Work. The title is quite ironic, but the book is of high quality and has nothing to do with pseudo-guides.

Authors Peg Streep and Alan Bernstein wonderfully debunk the myth that one must pursue a set goal at all costs. They describe that to achieve success, it is just as important to engage in well-defined goals as it is to simply be able to give up pursuing them in certain situations. They emphasize that we are emotionally programmed for perseverance. And even if we fall, we feel an internal compulsion to get up, dust ourselves off, and keep going.

By letting go and effectively "disengaging," we free up energy that can be utilized to set subsequent, more reasonable, and sensible goals.

The authors stress that the art of consciously exiting situations that no longer serve us is something we should learn. It is not easy - it may be harder than sticking with a previously set, though unattainable goal (maintaining the so-called "status quo"). Then there's the issue of how others perceive us - usually, we don't want to be seen as failures or people who "give up" easily.

The Pitfalls of Perseverance

Our mind sabotages our actions by offering various tricks such as the illogical fallacy of sunk costs ("I've already spent so much time/money on this project" - we all know it well). We also fall for the illusion of sporadic reinforcement, e.g., the boss pays attention to us once a year or out of a thousand comments said something nice, and we convince ourselves that he actually praised us, so it's not so bad after all, and we stick to a job or a relationship with the boss from which we derive no benefit. Regarding sporadic reinforcement, the authors mention Professor Skinner's experiment. The experiment involved placing three rats in separate cages equipped with levers. In the first cage, the rat pressed the lever and received food every time. In the second, it pressed and got nothing, so it quickly gave up and started looking for food on its own. In the third cage, the rat pressed the lever and sometimes received food, sometimes not. It never knew when it would happen. It was confused, frustrated, but hovered around the lever day and night.

An important aspect emphasized by the authors (which, however, is difficult for us to accept) is that we simply have no control over many situations and events.

The book is supported by many interesting scientific studies. I recommend reading it and examining your habits or beliefs about setting goals. Perhaps not all of them serve us well, and some are simply destructive. In some cases, "disengaging" from a goal can be liberating.